Living life one stride at a time.

When riding, we often talk about riding the horse one stride at a time.  This is a reminder to the rider from his or her coach that with a horse, you can’t just “set it and forget it”.  You can’t say, “I’m going to canter from A to B,” and not think about how you’re going to get there.  Well, okay, you can.  You can decide that instead of thinking about the task at hand (guiding 1,000 pounds of animal moving at 20 miles per hour), you can think about that weird look you got from the person on the other side of the barn aisle and what it could possibly mean, and if they have a problem with you, and what could they possibly have a problem with you about, and what you’re going to do about this person who clearly has some weird thoughts about you … does this sound familiar?  You can ride this way if you’re not worried about the outcome, about the quality of the experience for both you and the horse.

When riding, we often get jerked out of this train of thought (if we’re lucky) by suddenly realizing the horse is no longer doing what we originally asked him to do ten strides earlier.  If we’re not lucky (and really lost in thought) we come back to the present when we find out our horse was paying more attention to our surroundings than we were, spooks at something, and we are suddenly half-way to the ground.  By not paying attention, by getting lost in our own thoughts, we lose the ability to see where we’re going and how we’re getting there.

Horses require us to tune into what is going on in the present moment, and STAY tuned in.  By developing this awareness, we take our first step toward a safe and enjoyable ride by staying aware of our surroundings and how our horse is relating to them.  Even the most calm, the most bomb-proof horse will have moments where all bets are off and they are back to running for their lives away from something that they are positively, abolutely sure will kill them.  Your awareness of your surroundings will help you work with your horse, reassure him when the Boogey Man appears, and show him that he can do something other than run away.  By staying present, you have the opportunity to manage a situation instead of being a victim of circumstances.

Further developing this awareness of being present to each little “now” leads you to a new level of mastery in your riding.  As riders, we strive to develop what is known as “self carriage”, or basically where the horse can continue to perform the task you asked him to do, in the exact way you asked him to do it, without you having to micro-manage him and constantly correct his way of moving.  So, isn’t this contradictory to riding “one stride at a time”?  Isn’t riding one step at a time preventing the horse from developing self carriage?  No, it isn’t … depending on how you do it.

By tuning your awareness into the exact feeling your getting at each moment, you have information you can use.  I asked the horse to trot on a large circle.  Are we still trotting?  Does he feel like he’s almost ready to slow to a walk?  Does he feel like he’s speeding up and going to break into a canter?  How does the horse’s body feel?  Is his neck relaxed?  If it’s tense, in what part of his neck is it tense?  Can I feel an even curve following the arc of the circle through his whole body?  If I can’t feel that, where is he stuck?  Does the quality of his trot feel light and floating, or does it feel like he’s stomping around like a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum?  I can go on with the list of questions here, but you get the idea that the more you can bring your awareness to what is going on, you can decide if things are fine or if the horse needs some correction.  You then have the information to be able to give the correct feedback to your horse at exactly the right time he needs guidance to improve his performance, not three strides later when the correction no longer applies to what the horse is doing.

This process also translates beatifully to our daily lives.  If we’re asleep at the wheel, how can we expect to avoid a wreck?  If we’re not aware of what is ACTUALLY happening RIGHT NOW, instead of the imaginary chain of events we construct in our thinking, how can we take the appropriate action for what is going on?

The key is to relax and not over-think it.  Really?  Yes.  Even after I described that list of questions I ask myself as I ride, it’s a way of tuning in to my awareness, not a check-list for a rocket launch.  Think of it like a mantra or a relaxation tape running in the background … giving gentle nudges to your brain to stay focused, and giving it something to focus on for a brief moment.  Just like the horse, your brain is going to keep moving, so this gives you a way to guide how and where it’s going.

How have I applied this off the horse in the rest of my life?  Yesterday was a great example.  I had the most stress-free day I have ever experienced by staying relaxed, and meanwhile repeatedly bringing my awareness to what I needed to do, what was a priority, what I could get done quickly and just be done with it, seeing if I was still on track to meet my time-sensitive commitments, and taking brief breaks when I had the time.

Can you see this working for you in your life?  Does this sound fine when you’re working on a sport or hobby, but useless when dealing with tough customers, or deadlines?  I welcome your thoughts on how living life one step at a time can apply to you.

How about now?

I confess, if there were an Olympic event for procrastinating, I would take the gold.  The OAC might even have to create a platinum medal for the level of excellence I have achieved in putting things off and wasting time.  If you notice the amount of time that passed between blog post #2, and post #3 … you get my drift.

By re-starting this blog, I have become aware of all the little things I put off in the past that don’t take much time, but I told myself I didn’t have the time to do.  Either something else was more important, or I would talk myself into playing around with one distraction or another until I truly didn’t have the time left to take care of these small tasks.  Where did this get me?  Well, I had a killer score in Gardens of Time, and some impressive high scores in Spider Solitaire and Mah Jong, but I also had a chronically dirty kitchen, paperwork that I’d “get to soon”, vacuuming that needed to be done, and so on.

In the spirit of this blog, I am giving this whole concept of getting back to doing what I want to do, and what I need to do NOW … not later when the opportunity has passed, or the task has suddenly morphed into an emergency … but NOW, when I can get the task done easily, calmly, and clear it from my psyche.  Where is this getting me?  Frankly, I’m stunned at how many little things I can take care of that I never managed to get done before … vacuuming up the extra cats-worth of hair on the rug, getting the dishwasher filled or emptied, cleaning the cat box every day, getting those few groceries I meant to pick up, writing emails to my students’ parents in a timely fashion, flossing my teeth … the list goes on.  I used to marvel at people who got tons of things accomplished in one day.  Now I’m gaining insight on how they do it.  If it’s a short task that can easily be completed in a few minutes … JUST DO IT!  (My apologies to Nike for that one.)

I am also applying this to the more daunting tasks.  Instead of putting off a conversation to clear up a misunderstanding in a friendship, I’m making that phone call, sending that email, or finding some way to reach out before what was a simple hiccup in the communication process turns into some weird creature that has a life of its own.  I keep looking to see if what is really important isn’t getting put to the side just to get these little tasks done.  This process is leading me to a whole new awareness of “now” and of the concept of “presence”, and how we have a choice in what we do with each little “now”.

Back in the Saddle of Life

What do you do when you fall off?  You get back into the saddle.

For people who ride, we’ve heard this since the first time we rode, or the first time we fell off.  For those who are new to riding, the theory behind this is that by getting back on the horse immediately, you don’t get the opportunity to develop a mental block about riding.  You can realize that even though you fell off, and may have bruised more than just your ego, you can still ride again and not fall off.  What was a one-time trauma stays a one-time episode, instead of turning into a way of thinking or even a phobia that limits the rest of your life.

What would happen if we took this approach to our entire life?  What if every time we got derailed from our original plan, or things came along that totally blind-sided us, we “got back in the saddle”?  For example, you are putting together the wedding of the century and the location for the reception burns down.  Instead of letting it stop you, you reach out to your community, find a way to find a new location, find a way to work with the people going to the reception … and so on.  As another example, your best friend dies unexpectedly.  You decide to honor that person’s memory by engaging fully in life, rather than decide your life is worthless without them.  In short, we find a way to make what could have stopped us cold become an opportunity to find a new way to make things happen.

What about when we have thought our opportunity has passed?  How many things have we put off, or decided not to try for one seemly excellent reason or another?  Call it your “bucket list”, your “someday I’ll … list” or your wish list, we wind up putting all of these wishes in a bucket, and wait until we’re knocking on Death’s door to get around to it.  We’d like to travel through Europe and finally see those amazing sights we’ve admired from pictures over the years.  We’d like to fly in a hot-air balloon, but we’re not really sure if it’s worth it.  We’re thinking about having kids, but still don’t think we’re ready for it.  We’d love to see if just once, we could hit a fly ball to the outfield fence in Center Field.  Will we realize these hopes and dreams if we let them all go until later?

Getting back in the saddle can be an attitude, a way to tackle life and decide that no matter what life throws at you, you will get back in the saddle and keep on taking on life’s challenges.  It also is an attitude of taking on that challenge NOW, and realizing the new strength and growth you achieve prepares you for your next challenge.

For some people, that will literally be taking riding lessons … either reconnecting with their passion from their youth, or for others it will be starting to take lessons and the challenge of learning a skill they thought unattainable.  For some people, it will be having that conversation with a loved one that allows you to be who you truly are with that person, and gives that loved one the space to truly be themselves with you.  For others it will be making a choice to find a way to express their tallents in a way that isn’t currently being utilized.

How does this speak to you?  How do you see yourself getting Back in the Saddle in your own life?  Please comment and let me know how this applies to you or affects you.