Resistance

Do you ever notice that what you resist only gets bigger and takes on a life of its own? Have you noticed this with your riding? When you focus on where your horse is resisting, you just get more resistance. What can you do instead?

Ride with presence, and ride from your center. There is a place outside of what is going on that can see, observe, and be able to have a choice in what happens next. This your “center”, the place where you don’t have to REact, you can simply be, observe, and ACT from a place of freedom and peace.

How do you find this place?  Notice when you are in the middle of reacting to something.  For example, you put your leg on and instead of the horse moving off it, the horse moves into your leg.  Notice how you respond to that situation.  What are you doing?  Is there a different way of encouraging your horse to move off your leg?  Just by asking these questions, you are NOW in your center and have a way of choosing to act, instead of just reacting.

It has taken me a while to get to this place in my riding, but what it has done for my horse is amazing. My horse used to be anxious and concerned about what she needed to do next. Now she has learned that we are only concerned about what is happening in this stride, right now. This new way of being for me and my horse even carries over to when others ride her. They are amazed at how my horse behaves in such a friendly, calm, and accepting way. They are amazed that when they get on, even if they make a mistake, my horse still stays calm and works to do her job. Things that frighten other horses don’t bother my horse because she has learned to trust her humans and know they will make sure she doesn’t get hurt.

Spend some time seeing if you can find this place of peace and observation. See if you can bring this to your life and to your riding. I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at the changes you find happening without any resistance to the change.

English … Western … Can’t We All Just Get Along?

In the spirit of post Election Day reconciliation, it seemed a good time to discuss our differences.  English riding versus Western riding?  Why does it have to be one or the other?  Why can’t we see the value in both?

To say that horse people have strong opinions on this topic is an understatement.  English riders call Western riders lazy and sloppy.  Western riders call English riders uptight and prissy.  What escapes notice is that both groups are accomplishing the same goal, just in a different style.

The first goal of riding is quite simple: keep the horse between you and the ground.  After that is achieved, the basic principles are the same no matter what tack you’re sitting in: relaxation, balance, feel, and timing.  You can’t move with the horse if you’re not relaxed.  If you have to unlock your hips to move with the horse’s back, you have no hope of sitting with him and allowing him to do his job.  Without that relaxation, you will never find your balance.  Your muscles will fight the movement, constantly tipping you one way or the other, and preventing you from finding the ease that comes from being balanced atop your horse.  If you don’t have relaxation and balance, you will never be able to get past what your body is doing and feel the subtle shifts in your horse’s body.  Without a feel for those subtle changes in the horse, you will never know when to give a correction, and when to release that correction so the horse understands he has done his job.

At the core is the interconnectedness of these factors that will get us to our ultimate goal: being a partner for our horse so that together we can move in harmony and accomplish more than we could have separately.  It doesn’t matter if you achieve that goal in a large saddle on a loose rein, or in a small saddle with constant rein contact, what matters in the end is the harmony of the partnership.

Peaks and valleys

We crave the peak experience.  We hang onto days where everything feels great, life is exciting, and we’re in “The Zone” like a shipwreck survivor clings to flotsam.  We assign the quality of “good” to days like this, and “bad” to days where things don’t go our way, to days when we have sand in our mental shorts, and everything we do turns into a biggeer mess than when we started.  Yet where does this striving get us?

If life is one long peak experience, then what becomes a peak?  If there are no lows, then how can we tell we’re at a high?  How can we treasure the days when we feel cruddy just as much as the days when we feel like we’re floating through life like it’s effortless?

For me, it is realizing that my valleys define my peaks.  I can’t always say that I can immediately see the “good” in where I’m at, especially when it seems painful or frustrating.  What I can do is turn my awareness to this process of categorizing things as “good” and “bad”, and instead let go of the value judgements to simply be with what is there.

Is this easy?  Does it come naturally to me?  Of course not … I am human after all.  What I can say is that I’m not giving up and that I keep returning to this inquiry.  That is what this blog and this community is all about … continuing one step at a time to try again, to acknowledge the glorious imperfection of humanity and embrace this as what helps make us great.

I encourage you to try this for yourself.  Does setting aside the concept of a “good” or “bad” day help you gain perspective?  Do you work at taking small steps to create something new?

Those who can do … teach

Passing knowledge on from one person to another is one of the most difficult challenges we face in communicating.  As an instructor, I hate it when someone quotes: “Those who can … do.  Those who can’t … teach.”  The person quoting this must be going through a tough time with their instructor, and I have the profoundest sympathy for their experience.  However, I would like to offer up an alternate axiom for great instructors: “Those who can … do.  Those who can do it so well they can explain it to someone, demonstrate it, and help the other person master it … teach.”

This is a key point to understand.  When you are teaching a subject, especially a physical skill, being able to perform the skill, and being able to teach the skill are two completely different processes.  People can be very competent at doing something, like playing the piano, painting a picture, riding a horse, shooting a basketball, and so on, but they may not be able to teach the skill to someone else.  How is that possible?  There are several reasons.

The first category of people who are great at doing something, but not good at teaching is because the skill comes naturally to them.  If you have a friend who has an amazing jump shot, and you ask them, “How do you do that?”, and their response is, “I don’t know, I just do it,” you will be facing a tough time if you ask them for help.  If you know someone who is great at math because they can just “see” the answer, they won’t be much help with your homework since they can’t explain how they got the answer.  You need someone as an instructor who is at least aware of the process and understands it thoroughly.

The second category of people who can do something but not teach it are those who have mastered the skill, but never figured out how to explain it in a way that makes sense to anyone else.  We horseback riding instructors can be very guilty of this.  Every world has its own vocabulary, and the horse world has hundreds of specialized terms.  We may have learned how to half-halt down the long side as we do a slight haunches-in and prepare our horse for a beautiful canter transition, but if you don’t know what any of that means, it’s not going to help.  Or your instructor could shout at you, “Feel the horse’s shoulder in that transition!”  If you don’t know what to feel for, in which shoulder, or why, or how being able to feel what is going on with the horse’s shoulder is going to impact the over-all performance of the horse, then the instructor just wasted their breath.

A good instructor needs to be able to do the following:

• Have a thorough understanding and mastery of the subject.  Don’t be fooled … your instructor is still learning (or should be), but at least they need to have mastered the skills they are teaching to you.
• Be able to explain the subject in multiple ways.  Repeating the same instructions over and over won’t cut it.
• Be able to figure out what makes sense to you, and use that to customize their instructions to fit what you already understand.
• Be able to explain a skill or task so that you understand how it contributes to the greater whole, and to your progression to more advanced levels.
• If the instructor is teaching a skill, they need to be able to demonstrate the skill.  Seeing what you’re trying to do for one minute can cut through ten minutes of verbal descriptions and fiddling around.  I know of a few riding instructors who are fantastic teachers, but are now so old they cannot ride due to health reasons.  However, these instructors compensate by their decades of experience in teaching, and have so many ways of explaining the concept that they can usually find a way to reach their students.
• The instructor should be able to show you the incorrect ways of performing the skill, as well as the correct ways.  It can be really helpful to see a comparison so you can see the impact on the over-all performance.
• The instructor MUST create an atmosphere where it is safe to try AND to make mistakes.  We learn as much or more from our mistakes as we do from our successes.  If we do not allow ourselves to make a mistake, we seriously handicap our ability to grow.
• The instructor MUST invite questions and feedback.  If you are a visual learner and can copy what they do exactly, you need to let them know.  If they spend the whole time talking, they are not able to adapt their teaching style to the method that best fits you.

This is what I strive to bring to my students with each lesson.  I welcome your insights on the qualities you most appreciate in your favorite teachers.  Sharing will help all of us grow as teachers and students.

Any ride you can walk away from …

Horseback Riding: Good for Your Health?.

I am re-posting this blog entry since it is so appropriate for the Back in the Saddle community.  Many people who enjoyed horses when they were younger took a break from them out of fear.  They had such a negative experience that they just couldn’t face the idea of riding again.  This post puts you into that world in a way you can experience it fully.  I also commend this author for not giving up, and still finding ways to be around horses.

THIS is why I ride

The Pinnacle of Horseback Riding.

I must re-post this blog entry.  People ask me why I ride.  They wonder how I could possibly find it interesting to ride around in circles in a large, dirt-filled room.  If you look at it from that perspective, even I find it a crushing bore.  However, if you have ever experienced what is described in this blog post, you will never have to ask this question again.  There is magic in the ride.

Living life one stride at a time.

When riding, we often talk about riding the horse one stride at a time.  This is a reminder to the rider from his or her coach that with a horse, you can’t just “set it and forget it”.  You can’t say, “I’m going to canter from A to B,” and not think about how you’re going to get there.  Well, okay, you can.  You can decide that instead of thinking about the task at hand (guiding 1,000 pounds of animal moving at 20 miles per hour), you can think about that weird look you got from the person on the other side of the barn aisle and what it could possibly mean, and if they have a problem with you, and what could they possibly have a problem with you about, and what you’re going to do about this person who clearly has some weird thoughts about you … does this sound familiar?  You can ride this way if you’re not worried about the outcome, about the quality of the experience for both you and the horse.

When riding, we often get jerked out of this train of thought (if we’re lucky) by suddenly realizing the horse is no longer doing what we originally asked him to do ten strides earlier.  If we’re not lucky (and really lost in thought) we come back to the present when we find out our horse was paying more attention to our surroundings than we were, spooks at something, and we are suddenly half-way to the ground.  By not paying attention, by getting lost in our own thoughts, we lose the ability to see where we’re going and how we’re getting there.

Horses require us to tune into what is going on in the present moment, and STAY tuned in.  By developing this awareness, we take our first step toward a safe and enjoyable ride by staying aware of our surroundings and how our horse is relating to them.  Even the most calm, the most bomb-proof horse will have moments where all bets are off and they are back to running for their lives away from something that they are positively, abolutely sure will kill them.  Your awareness of your surroundings will help you work with your horse, reassure him when the Boogey Man appears, and show him that he can do something other than run away.  By staying present, you have the opportunity to manage a situation instead of being a victim of circumstances.

Further developing this awareness of being present to each little “now” leads you to a new level of mastery in your riding.  As riders, we strive to develop what is known as “self carriage”, or basically where the horse can continue to perform the task you asked him to do, in the exact way you asked him to do it, without you having to micro-manage him and constantly correct his way of moving.  So, isn’t this contradictory to riding “one stride at a time”?  Isn’t riding one step at a time preventing the horse from developing self carriage?  No, it isn’t … depending on how you do it.

By tuning your awareness into the exact feeling your getting at each moment, you have information you can use.  I asked the horse to trot on a large circle.  Are we still trotting?  Does he feel like he’s almost ready to slow to a walk?  Does he feel like he’s speeding up and going to break into a canter?  How does the horse’s body feel?  Is his neck relaxed?  If it’s tense, in what part of his neck is it tense?  Can I feel an even curve following the arc of the circle through his whole body?  If I can’t feel that, where is he stuck?  Does the quality of his trot feel light and floating, or does it feel like he’s stomping around like a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum?  I can go on with the list of questions here, but you get the idea that the more you can bring your awareness to what is going on, you can decide if things are fine or if the horse needs some correction.  You then have the information to be able to give the correct feedback to your horse at exactly the right time he needs guidance to improve his performance, not three strides later when the correction no longer applies to what the horse is doing.

This process also translates beatifully to our daily lives.  If we’re asleep at the wheel, how can we expect to avoid a wreck?  If we’re not aware of what is ACTUALLY happening RIGHT NOW, instead of the imaginary chain of events we construct in our thinking, how can we take the appropriate action for what is going on?

The key is to relax and not over-think it.  Really?  Yes.  Even after I described that list of questions I ask myself as I ride, it’s a way of tuning in to my awareness, not a check-list for a rocket launch.  Think of it like a mantra or a relaxation tape running in the background … giving gentle nudges to your brain to stay focused, and giving it something to focus on for a brief moment.  Just like the horse, your brain is going to keep moving, so this gives you a way to guide how and where it’s going.

How have I applied this off the horse in the rest of my life?  Yesterday was a great example.  I had the most stress-free day I have ever experienced by staying relaxed, and meanwhile repeatedly bringing my awareness to what I needed to do, what was a priority, what I could get done quickly and just be done with it, seeing if I was still on track to meet my time-sensitive commitments, and taking brief breaks when I had the time.

Can you see this working for you in your life?  Does this sound fine when you’re working on a sport or hobby, but useless when dealing with tough customers, or deadlines?  I welcome your thoughts on how living life one step at a time can apply to you.

How about now?

I confess, if there were an Olympic event for procrastinating, I would take the gold.  The OAC might even have to create a platinum medal for the level of excellence I have achieved in putting things off and wasting time.  If you notice the amount of time that passed between blog post #2, and post #3 … you get my drift.

By re-starting this blog, I have become aware of all the little things I put off in the past that don’t take much time, but I told myself I didn’t have the time to do.  Either something else was more important, or I would talk myself into playing around with one distraction or another until I truly didn’t have the time left to take care of these small tasks.  Where did this get me?  Well, I had a killer score in Gardens of Time, and some impressive high scores in Spider Solitaire and Mah Jong, but I also had a chronically dirty kitchen, paperwork that I’d “get to soon”, vacuuming that needed to be done, and so on.

In the spirit of this blog, I am giving this whole concept of getting back to doing what I want to do, and what I need to do NOW … not later when the opportunity has passed, or the task has suddenly morphed into an emergency … but NOW, when I can get the task done easily, calmly, and clear it from my psyche.  Where is this getting me?  Frankly, I’m stunned at how many little things I can take care of that I never managed to get done before … vacuuming up the extra cats-worth of hair on the rug, getting the dishwasher filled or emptied, cleaning the cat box every day, getting those few groceries I meant to pick up, writing emails to my students’ parents in a timely fashion, flossing my teeth … the list goes on.  I used to marvel at people who got tons of things accomplished in one day.  Now I’m gaining insight on how they do it.  If it’s a short task that can easily be completed in a few minutes … JUST DO IT!  (My apologies to Nike for that one.)

I am also applying this to the more daunting tasks.  Instead of putting off a conversation to clear up a misunderstanding in a friendship, I’m making that phone call, sending that email, or finding some way to reach out before what was a simple hiccup in the communication process turns into some weird creature that has a life of its own.  I keep looking to see if what is really important isn’t getting put to the side just to get these little tasks done.  This process is leading me to a whole new awareness of “now” and of the concept of “presence”, and how we have a choice in what we do with each little “now”.

Back in the Saddle of Life

What do you do when you fall off?  You get back into the saddle.

For people who ride, we’ve heard this since the first time we rode, or the first time we fell off.  For those who are new to riding, the theory behind this is that by getting back on the horse immediately, you don’t get the opportunity to develop a mental block about riding.  You can realize that even though you fell off, and may have bruised more than just your ego, you can still ride again and not fall off.  What was a one-time trauma stays a one-time episode, instead of turning into a way of thinking or even a phobia that limits the rest of your life.

What would happen if we took this approach to our entire life?  What if every time we got derailed from our original plan, or things came along that totally blind-sided us, we “got back in the saddle”?  For example, you are putting together the wedding of the century and the location for the reception burns down.  Instead of letting it stop you, you reach out to your community, find a way to find a new location, find a way to work with the people going to the reception … and so on.  As another example, your best friend dies unexpectedly.  You decide to honor that person’s memory by engaging fully in life, rather than decide your life is worthless without them.  In short, we find a way to make what could have stopped us cold become an opportunity to find a new way to make things happen.

What about when we have thought our opportunity has passed?  How many things have we put off, or decided not to try for one seemly excellent reason or another?  Call it your “bucket list”, your “someday I’ll … list” or your wish list, we wind up putting all of these wishes in a bucket, and wait until we’re knocking on Death’s door to get around to it.  We’d like to travel through Europe and finally see those amazing sights we’ve admired from pictures over the years.  We’d like to fly in a hot-air balloon, but we’re not really sure if it’s worth it.  We’re thinking about having kids, but still don’t think we’re ready for it.  We’d love to see if just once, we could hit a fly ball to the outfield fence in Center Field.  Will we realize these hopes and dreams if we let them all go until later?

Getting back in the saddle can be an attitude, a way to tackle life and decide that no matter what life throws at you, you will get back in the saddle and keep on taking on life’s challenges.  It also is an attitude of taking on that challenge NOW, and realizing the new strength and growth you achieve prepares you for your next challenge.

For some people, that will literally be taking riding lessons … either reconnecting with their passion from their youth, or for others it will be starting to take lessons and the challenge of learning a skill they thought unattainable.  For some people, it will be having that conversation with a loved one that allows you to be who you truly are with that person, and gives that loved one the space to truly be themselves with you.  For others it will be making a choice to find a way to express their tallents in a way that isn’t currently being utilized.

How does this speak to you?  How do you see yourself getting Back in the Saddle in your own life?  Please comment and let me know how this applies to you or affects you.

Adult Horseback Riders are People Too!

I teach horseback riding lessons.  When I tell people what I do for a living, a common response I get is, “Oh!  I used to ride as a kid and loved it!  I really miss it.”  Another response I get from adults is, “I’ve always wanted to learn how to ride a horse, but I guess I’m too old to start that.”  I realized (after the umpteenth time I got these responses) that there is a large group of adults who would like to ride horses, but aren’t aware of the resources out there to make it happen.  The common reasons for not riding are that riding is too expensive, all the barns are too far away, and there is never enough time to do it.  While there is some truth to these reasons, I can tell you that there are horseback riding opportunities for almost all budgets, time schedules, and locations.

There is plenty of support for kids and horses. There is 4-H, Pony Club, summer camps … you name it. But as soon as you turn eighteen, the support is harder to find. Many of the riders do not continue without some sort of supportive network.  I am creating a resource to reach this community of adult equestrians and provide support for them to get involved with something they loved.  People will see they can pursue their passion, even though they thought a life with horses was out of reach.

We will create an online blog and Facebook page as a resource for the community to help them find information, stables, instructors, and merchants that will further their equestrian pursuits. The online resources will also be a community outlet for commentary and a forum to share ideas, insights, and their passion about horses. Finally, we will involve the media to help publicize that you’re never too old to embrace your love of horses.

I welcome your ideas and input on how this community can grow.  Would you like to find a way to reconnect with friends you used to ride with when you were younger?  We can develop this community and resource to make those connections happen.  When we all get involved, this becomes a great way for us to connect over our common love of horses.